I'm a Dreamer

The last year or so of my life has been an adventure.  I've learned many, many lessons.  Lessons about love, about loss, about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses.  I'm a dreamer.  A creative.  My mind can spin beautiful and terrifying scenarios at 100 miles an hour.

Through it all I've fought for myself.  Fought off bitterness, anger, hopelessness.  Despite the pain and disappointment. Despite being mistreated, used and discarded by those who people who were hurting and selfish. I've fought for my dreams. I almost gave up on them several times but rest assured they are firmly in tact at this moment.  I'm Aly and to be me means to hope and dream and love with my whole heart.  It's a risky business to tear through life the way I do. My heart gets involved in everything.  But God sustains it. He's always got His hands on me.  So, for better or for worse I choose to LOVE recklessly, HOPE endlessly and DREAM BIG! Because I made a commitment to be true to myself ....

“One word, Ma'am," he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

...That's What Aly is Made Of.

Alright, I know that on the blog front I have been severely lacking lately. So to silence the whining of my sweet friend Ann, who by the way rocks at blogging, I have sat down with my laptop and am digging for inspiration.

Lucky for me her blog has challenged me to explore what I am made of and what I need to be...well....me! I'm sure you all have experienced those times when you feel depleted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. In an effort of self exploration Ann has discovered what makes her run on all cylinders. There is something to be said for finding a way to prevent those meltdowns that inevitably occur. I've decided to examine and put into practice the act of refueling.

Time with my first love. I need to sit and be still and be quiet and share my heart with God. I have recently found myself craving His word and so looking forward to my morning connection with Him. Cup of coffee on the table beside me and my Bible in my lap, legs curled up under me on my favorite chair. That is where we meet and where He speaks to me. Without it I feel like the rest of my day is outta whack. This really has been the first time in a long time of raising babies that I have been able to indulge like this. As a mother of very little ones, mornings are not exactly peaceful. This is a luxury I don't take for granted.


I need to feather my nest. Aside from normal household stuff, which I hate to disappoint you I do actually enjoy, I love taking care of my kids. It fulfills me to know that I connected with them individually. Having four little ones can make that a formidable task but that time with them alone is so precious to me. They are such incredible little people I'd hate to miss out on their uniqueness. Weslee will be ten years old this summer and I will only get a few more summers with him before he becomes an ever elusive teenager with a social life to match. I better take advantage of the time I have left while I can.

I need my "people". After years of begging God for a "bosom friend", (If you've seen Anne of Green Gables you'd understand the meaning of that term) God has place some incredible women in my life. They hold me up, encourage me and have given me the confidence to be myself without fear of rejection. When life gets tough they just love on me and bless me and direct me to the Lord. Most importantly they make me laugh. We laugh so hard we cry, the really funny part is we are usually laughing at ourselves. I love that we don't take ourselves too seriously. I pray you all have friends like that.

I need to be surrounded by God's creation. Not all the time, as many of you know I need to live within a short drive of a decent mall and some good restaurants or I am a little uncomfortable. But there is nothing like being quiet and listening to the sound of a rushing river, or hiking up a mountain and standing on the summit overlooking a beautiful valley or sitting on the shoreline of a beautiful beach feeling the wind blow through your hair. It brings me perspective, it draws me closer to my creator to stand in awe of His gift.

I need time to pursue my passions. There are a few hobby's that I enjoy, photography for one, cooking, entertaining, decorating and exercising. I need to create something, to make things...pretty. All these things help me remember who I am. As a Mother it is easy to believe that you are "just" Mom and that's all you'll ever be. That's so strange that we do that to ourselves. Mothering is truly a full time job, it can completely consume you to the point that you no longer think that you need anything else and it can actually make you feel guilty for wanting to be anything else but that. I know that feeling all too well myself. I've been a stay-at-home Mom for almost a third of my life. If it wasn't for my husband pushing me to pursue my passions and telling me how proud he is of me I probably wouldn't be the person you see before you today.

So, if you see me start to "crack" then maybe it's time for me to go have a quiet time with my kids and friends in the middle of the woods with a camera in my hand and home made brownie's for everyone in my backpack. That should fix me right up.